Recently I heard a male preacher saying "all women are better than their husbands". A minute later the same preacher said "My wife is better than me in some areas" and "I'm better than my wife in some areas". This got me thinking about the this statement. As a Catholic, my mind immediately went to the Holy Family, where Mary was certainly better than St. Joseph because she was conceived immaculate in her mother's womb. Mary was without sin is considered the greatest of the human race. In support of his statement the preacher named 3 couples where he said this is true.
I then applied logic to this and the preachers logic seems to be that of all married couples he has encountered in every case the woman was better than her husband. This preacher has probably not encountered every couple alive today and even if he did, he couldn't have encountered couples in the past. Even in case of the couples alive today, it seems that the judgment criteria cannot be perfect because the judge is a human who has limitations. The fact that mankind has been continuously making scientific discoveries and our knowledge is improving over the years is a testament to the fact that we are not perfect.
Biologically, men and women's brains are different. The areas for violence and sex are larger in men's brains and in women's brains the chemicals that control these are more. Therefore in non-violence women are biologically better equipped than men. This seems to suggest that women are better at avoiding conflict and maintaining peace. But biology is not the only indicator of behaviour if it were then we would not be free to choose our actions. But we can act against our impulses. Someone who feels the urge to act violently can control, overcome and channel this impulse in a non-violent direction. If this was not possible, there would be no sin in violating the sixth commandment. Even outside Christianity most people agree in agency and role of the will. Because people have free will, they are responsible for their actions. Even determinists who believe in fate and/or predestination would have difficulty explaining why we have civil laws as guidelines of behaviour. The purpose of any kind of laws is to educate, inform and guide people to act in ways to keep the laws and avoid contravening them. This comes with the implict assumption that people have the capacity to overcome their undesirable impulses.
If the preacher's statement on the superiority of women implies that women are superior in every aspect, applicable to all couples alive today, we can think of a practical, empirical challenge to this assertion - world records. Most physical world records are held by men. In case of these world record holders for example, unless none of them are married, at least the man's wife is unlikely to be better than him in the world record category. Usain Bolt's would probably beat his wife at the 100 meter sprint. Eliud Kipchoge would likely lag behind him if they competed in a marathon together.
Circling back to the biological difference in the brain capacity for violence and sex, the Bible command to men to love their wives as Christ loved the Church calls men to channel their energy to battle their own passions and deny themselves as Christ denied himself. The ultimate call and test of manhood I believe is the readiness to sacrifice oneself. Along with tendency to violence comes the willingness to take risks. In every society, it is men who are expected to take risks to defend their family. Men perform tasks which involves serious risk of bodily harm and injury.
The Christian command challenges men to a sacrificial love which should lead us to break our bodies and shed our blood daily in love of our spouses and for our children. It's not how hard you hit, but how hard you can get and keep moving forward, says Rocky. The greatest man fought and defeated the greatest enemy - Satan. Jesus Christ in doing this conquered mankind's greatest adversary and is the perfect example for us men. Following this example, the Apostles, martyrs and Saints gladly gave up their lives to show that this can be practically lived out by mortals.
We have discussed examples of couples where women are superior to men and found areas where men are better than their wives. We have looked at biological and empirical angles to this question. Overall it seems that among married couples, women are better than their husbands in some areas and men are better than their wives in others. So what is the takeaway from this?
"Men, love your wives" and "women, submit to your husbands" says the Bible. Today with the prevalence of Feminism especially in Western and Christian communities, the desire to reverse male violence can take us to the other extreme of mindlessly comparing and increasing the rift between men and women. I think we in Christendom need to be aware of the origins and effects of radical Feminism. Carrie Gress's book "The End of Woman: How smashing the patriarchy has destroyed us" talks about some of these but a fuller discussion in this article would be both premature and unjust, because I have not yet completed my reading of the book and there is so much to share on these points that I couldn't possibly do justice to it in this article.
For now, I like to conclude by saying that God who created both man and woman created us equal in dignity and partners and collaborators in building the family, the basic building block of society and the microcosmic church. Both men and women are created in the image and likeness of God and called to allow Him to perfect us through the grace of Sacramental marriage and help each other reach heaven, our destination. Not only the partners but also children entrusted to our care. As couples decisions should be made through discussion and dialogue between spouses. Each of the Biblical commands to men and women should be taken by the same sex and not thrust on the opposite sex.
